I'm a 27 year old Saudi woman, I'm currently locked in my room, my mom just disowned me and my brother is threatening to kill me. i need help.

Hi.Sorry if the story is too long.I'm a 27 years old Saudi woman. I’ve lived all my life in Saudi up until I was 18 where I left for 6 years to Jordan and then Boston to complete my studies. I’ve been back to Saudi ever since and I currently work here. My story isn’t very different from many Saudi girls and probably not as severe as most, but most of them refrain from speaking out out of fear or even don’t acknowledge the contradiction and oppression they are living under. I have been raised in a broken home ever since I was old enough to understand. My mother had a very tough childhood where she was neglected, abused emotionally and physically, tormented, bullied in addition to living in extremely harsh conditions. She was obviously affected mentally by this but was never diagnosed or received therapy. She married my father when she was 18, even though she loved someone else and was forced to marry him since he was from a better family. In Saudi Arabia this is how things work in terms of marriage, the parents usually arrange the marriage according to superficial criteria like the financial situation or the family’s prestige, regardless if the man and woman are compatible or want each other or not. So, this is how it evidently happened with my mother, and she lived a miserable life even after marriage because my dad is a self centered prick who cheated on her multiple times and had nothing to do with raising us. I remember witnessing multiple fights, screaming, my mom crying and being taken to the hospital, and constant instability and fear. My mom became overly protective and possessive of us (myself and my two older brothers) because we were all she had, specially considering that with her mental state she pushed everyone away and had no friends. When I was a teenager my mom started opening up to me and telling me everything about my dad and the things he does (cheating with other women even with our own maid, what he does with those women, how he treats her and the bad things he says to her, etc) and she would curse him and plant hate in me towards him and I eventually loathed him. She started to ask me to do things (spy on my dad, tell him certain things she would ask me to say, scold him for her, etc). Over the years my hate for him grew bigger and bigger until I stopped talking to him completely. A lot of things happened between those years, like my mom meeting other men and introducing me to them, she introduced me to the first guy when I was 12. At the time I didn’t understand what the relationship was and I thought they were just friends. She would constantly travel with me and my middle brother (who has ADHD and learning disabilities FYI) and bring this guy to our apartment almost everyday. Eventually I realized what was going on and I got so mad at her once and she justified herself by saying that she had the right to do that since my dad is a bad person and that she was human and needs romantic love. Since I loved her unconditionally I sympathized with her and accepted and never questioned her again. She had a car accident with this guy and that’s when my dad found out and the fighting wouldn’t stop and escalated to bigger ones. Life went on and they didn’t get a divorce which they discussed several times, but they were separated ever since I could remember. She accompanied me when I was In Jordan and Boston because she’s very overprotective but I never complained. When I was in Jordan she met another guy and she started to bring him everyday to our apartment. I lacked privacy and I would constantly find him there and I didn’t trust him at all. At times I even was scared for myself from him. They fought a lot of times and she even made me interfere in their fights. What I came to realize later was that she sent this guy to Saudi to work for my dad and asked him to spy on him. He started recording videos of my dad and sending them to my mom. In these videos my dad would talk shit about my mom. In the videos he even brought up his second wife that we didn’t know about and that he has a daughter. My mom went crazy after knowing this and asked the guy to blackmail my dad. The guy did that and it went to court and the guy even decided to turn his back on my mom to take all the money for himself. The blackmail wasn’t successful but my mom involved me in all of this and told me everything that was happening. Once when I was doing my masters in Boston and my dad was visiting she asked me to take my dads phone without him knowing and download all the media to my laptop. I did it and then we found out he had many recordings of him sleeping with his wife (I still don’t know why?). I couldn’t let my mom listen to them but she asked me to listen and tell her what was happening besides the having sex parts because there were parts where they were talking. There were also other recordings with another woman when he traveled to Beirut. Turns out this woman is another wife we don’t know about (I’m not sure of the validity of this but this is according to my mom). Throughout all of this my mom would constantly guilt trip me that I wasn’t good enough of a daughter and that she sacrificed her life for her children and raising them and that she had nothing else and that we should build a statue of her and worship her because she is the perfect mom and she went well beyond her way to raise us and she did everything for us, and we were never good enough. Never. Even though I was always a good obedient quiet child who loved her deeply and never said no to her. I rebelled when I was in my teens but nothing too extreme. I was always respectful and attentive to her needs. My eldest brother is her favorite and would always compare me to him, how good of a doctor he is, how smart he is, even though he neglects her and is never there for her. When she gets angry at him for doing so she lets it out on me and my middle brother and she even once hit me for no reason because she was angry at him. Of course my mom constantly hit us very aggressively growing up, and a couple of times while we were adults. My middle brother also hit me a lot and was very abusive but I don’t blame him due to his mental state. When I was in Boston I developed anorexia and depression and my therapist told me that anorexic people lack control in their life and they seek control from anorexia, and he concluded that my lack of control was because of my mom’s micromanagement of my life. When I turned 26 I met the love of my life (let’s call him R). The only person I could ever imagine being with, he supported me, accepted me for who i am, respected me and my lifestyle choices, and even took me to a psychiatrist for my depression and suicidal thoughts. He came to propose after 6 months and my dad said no because here in Saudi there’s this concept of tribalism. Some people here are from known tribes and some others are from unknown tribes because something happened along the way in history that made them lose track or something (I’m not sure of the exact explanation but this is the high level summary). These two categories cannot marry for some reason (they claim it is religion but nothing in Islam states this, it actually goes against the teachings of Islam). It is pure an utter racism. I am from a "known" tribe and R isn’t, even though hes Saudi and all his ancestors are Saudi, This is why my dad said no even though R is a doctor, very well educated, open minded, financially stable, well mannered, with good reputation, and has a very respectful, educated and prestigious family. My dad didn’t even say no because of his own beliefs, he said no because of his brothers, because he is a coward and is afraid of them and the “community” and our “reputation”. keep in mind that it's not illegal for us to get married, its just frowned upon. we tried to fight back but I couldn’t do anything about it since females here have male guardians who are legally responsible to marry (again, i'm 27) them or else they can’t do it on their own. My mom was on my side at first and told me how she was against this but then eventually she started to talk me out of it and telling me to stop talking to him and meet other people. She started pressuring me saying that the only reason she didn’t get a divorce was me (because if she does, it’ll affect my reputation and I won’t get married easily???) and that she wants me to get married now so she can relax and ask for a divorce finally. She guilt tripped me and emotionally abused me until I sincerely felt responsible of her misery and I started finding other people. She even gave my name to a “professional arranged marriage specialist” lol that people commonly use here to help with arranged marriages for a fee if it works. I literally felt like some kind of product being marketed with a list of features. I started meeting these different people and they were all misogynistic and utterly shit (your typical Saudi man stereotype). Asking me to do things like wear Niqab and cover up if we marry (i usually don't cover my face and hair in public) and what not and I couldn’t take that. After a couple of weeks of not talking to R (I asked him not to so we both could move on, and he respected my wishes and kept his distance), after a horrible couple of weeks of meeting with arranged men, I went back and talked to him because I was still in love with him and I don’t want anyone else. My mom found out last night that I was talking to him again and she tried to take my phone from me and I didn’t let her and this is the first time I stand up to her and she started hitting me and pulling my hair (she literally ripped off a chunk of hair) and she tried taking my phone by force and I wouldn’t let her, then she started panting and acting like she was having a heart attack (which she constantly did before and I would play along) but this time I said stop acting I know you are and she went crazy and stormed out. I locked my door quickly and I could hear her scream and cry for hours to my middle brother telling them how much she hates me and prays to god that I die tonight and that she disowned me and my brother came knocking on my door (who is 30 years old btw) and I refused to open and then he started to hit it very hard and threatening to kill me if he knocks the door down (there’s even a dent on my door). I'm still locked up in my room afraid to go out for the second day straight.I am talking to R and we are discussing ways to escape here and were not quiet sure how it works but we are sure we want to do it. I want to escape this country and seek asylum in another and he can join me after and we could get married. Please help me with this and bare in mind that my “guardian” has the right to revoke my permit to travel, and also my mom has my passport. Please give me your ideas or any facts that might help for a plan to flee out of here.Legally, i can't do anything since i don't have any broken ribs and I'm not covered in bruises.I've got nowhere to turn but to you guys, i really need help. .[Edit] Tl;dr I'm in desperate need for a way to escape the country, my dad revoked my right to travel, and my mom has my passport, what do i need to do in order to make this a reality. via /r/TwoXChromosomes http://ift.tt/2BCHF6y

Hi.

Sorry if the story is too long.

I'm a 27 years old Saudi woman. I’ve lived all my life in Saudi up until I was 18 where I left for 6 years to Jordan and then Boston to complete my studies. I’ve been back to Saudi ever since and I currently work here. My story isn’t very different from many Saudi girls and probably not as severe as most, but most of them refrain from speaking out out of fear or even don’t acknowledge the contradiction and oppression they are living under. I have been raised in a broken home ever since I was old enough to understand. My mother had a very tough childhood where she was neglected, abused emotionally and physically, tormented, bullied in addition to living in extremely harsh conditions. She was obviously affected mentally by this but was never diagnosed or received therapy. She married my father when she was 18, even though she loved someone else and was forced to marry him since he was from a better family. In Saudi Arabia this is how things work in terms of marriage, the parents usually arrange the marriage according to superficial criteria like the financial situation or the family’s prestige, regardless if the man and woman are compatible or want each other or not. So, this is how it evidently happened with my mother, and she lived a miserable life even after marriage because my dad is a self centered prick who cheated on her multiple times and had nothing to do with raising us. I remember witnessing multiple fights, screaming, my mom crying and being taken to the hospital, and constant instability and fear. My mom became overly protective and possessive of us (myself and my two older brothers) because we were all she had, specially considering that with her mental state she pushed everyone away and had no friends. When I was a teenager my mom started opening up to me and telling me everything about my dad and the things he does (cheating with other women even with our own maid, what he does with those women, how he treats her and the bad things he says to her, etc) and she would curse him and plant hate in me towards him and I eventually loathed him. She started to ask me to do things (spy on my dad, tell him certain things she would ask me to say, scold him for her, etc). Over the years my hate for him grew bigger and bigger until I stopped talking to him completely. A lot of things happened between those years, like my mom meeting other men and introducing me to them, she introduced me to the first guy when I was 12. At the time I didn’t understand what the relationship was and I thought they were just friends. She would constantly travel with me and my middle brother (who has ADHD and learning disabilities FYI) and bring this guy to our apartment almost everyday. Eventually I realized what was going on and I got so mad at her once and she justified herself by saying that she had the right to do that since my dad is a bad person and that she was human and needs romantic love. Since I loved her unconditionally I sympathized with her and accepted and never questioned her again. She had a car accident with this guy and that’s when my dad found out and the fighting wouldn’t stop and escalated to bigger ones. Life went on and they didn’t get a divorce which they discussed several times, but they were separated ever since I could remember. She accompanied me when I was In Jordan and Boston because she’s very overprotective but I never complained. When I was in Jordan she met another guy and she started to bring him everyday to our apartment. I lacked privacy and I would constantly find him there and I didn’t trust him at all. At times I even was scared for myself from him. They fought a lot of times and she even made me interfere in their fights. What I came to realize later was that she sent this guy to Saudi to work for my dad and asked him to spy on him. He started recording videos of my dad and sending them to my mom. In these videos my dad would talk shit about my mom. In the videos he even brought up his second wife that we didn’t know about and that he has a daughter. My mom went crazy after knowing this and asked the guy to blackmail my dad. The guy did that and it went to court and the guy even decided to turn his back on my mom to take all the money for himself. The blackmail wasn’t successful but my mom involved me in all of this and told me everything that was happening. Once when I was doing my masters in Boston and my dad was visiting she asked me to take my dads phone without him knowing and download all the media to my laptop. I did it and then we found out he had many recordings of him sleeping with his wife (I still don’t know why?). I couldn’t let my mom listen to them but she asked me to listen and tell her what was happening besides the having sex parts because there were parts where they were talking. There were also other recordings with another woman when he traveled to Beirut. Turns out this woman is another wife we don’t know about (I’m not sure of the validity of this but this is according to my mom). Throughout all of this my mom would constantly guilt trip me that I wasn’t good enough of a daughter and that she sacrificed her life for her children and raising them and that she had nothing else and that we should build a statue of her and worship her because she is the perfect mom and she went well beyond her way to raise us and she did everything for us, and we were never good enough. Never. Even though I was always a good obedient quiet child who loved her deeply and never said no to her. I rebelled when I was in my teens but nothing too extreme. I was always respectful and attentive to her needs. My eldest brother is her favorite and would always compare me to him, how good of a doctor he is, how smart he is, even though he neglects her and is never there for her. When she gets angry at him for doing so she lets it out on me and my middle brother and she even once hit me for no reason because she was angry at him. Of course my mom constantly hit us very aggressively growing up, and a couple of times while we were adults. My middle brother also hit me a lot and was very abusive but I don’t blame him due to his mental state. When I was in Boston I developed anorexia and depression and my therapist told me that anorexic people lack control in their life and they seek control from anorexia, and he concluded that my lack of control was because of my mom’s micromanagement of my life. When I turned 26 I met the love of my life (let’s call him R). The only person I could ever imagine being with, he supported me, accepted me for who i am, respected me and my lifestyle choices, and even took me to a psychiatrist for my depression and suicidal thoughts. He came to propose after 6 months and my dad said no because here in Saudi there’s this concept of tribalism. Some people here are from known tribes and some others are from unknown tribes because something happened along the way in history that made them lose track or something (I’m not sure of the exact explanation but this is the high level summary). These two categories cannot marry for some reason (they claim it is religion but nothing in Islam states this, it actually goes against the teachings of Islam). It is pure an utter racism. I am from a "known" tribe and R isn’t, even though hes Saudi and all his ancestors are Saudi, This is why my dad said no even though R is a doctor, very well educated, open minded, financially stable, well mannered, with good reputation, and has a very respectful, educated and prestigious family. My dad didn’t even say no because of his own beliefs, he said no because of his brothers, because he is a coward and is afraid of them and the “community” and our “reputation”. keep in mind that it's not illegal for us to get married, its just frowned upon. we tried to fight back but I couldn’t do anything about it since females here have male guardians who are legally responsible to marry (again, i'm 27) them or else they can’t do it on their own. My mom was on my side at first and told me how she was against this but then eventually she started to talk me out of it and telling me to stop talking to him and meet other people. She started pressuring me saying that the only reason she didn’t get a divorce was me (because if she does, it’ll affect my reputation and I won’t get married easily???) and that she wants me to get married now so she can relax and ask for a divorce finally. She guilt tripped me and emotionally abused me until I sincerely felt responsible of her misery and I started finding other people. She even gave my name to a “professional arranged marriage specialist” lol that people commonly use here to help with arranged marriages for a fee if it works. I literally felt like some kind of product being marketed with a list of features. I started meeting these different people and they were all misogynistic and utterly shit (your typical Saudi man stereotype). Asking me to do things like wear Niqab and cover up if we marry (i usually don't cover my face and hair in public) and what not and I couldn’t take that. After a couple of weeks of not talking to R (I asked him not to so we both could move on, and he respected my wishes and kept his distance), after a horrible couple of weeks of meeting with arranged men, I went back and talked to him because I was still in love with him and I don’t want anyone else. My mom found out last night that I was talking to him again and she tried to take my phone from me and I didn’t let her and this is the first time I stand up to her and she started hitting me and pulling my hair (she literally ripped off a chunk of hair) and she tried taking my phone by force and I wouldn’t let her, then she started panting and acting like she was having a heart attack (which she constantly did before and I would play along) but this time I said stop acting I know you are and she went crazy and stormed out. I locked my door quickly and I could hear her scream and cry for hours to my middle brother telling them how much she hates me and prays to god that I die tonight and that she disowned me and my brother came knocking on my door (who is 30 years old btw) and I refused to open and then he started to hit it very hard and threatening to kill me if he knocks the door down (there’s even a dent on my door). I'm still locked up in my room afraid to go out for the second day straight.

I am talking to R and we are discussing ways to escape here and were not quiet sure how it works but we are sure we want to do it. I want to escape this country and seek asylum in another and he can join me after and we could get married. Please help me with this and bare in mind that my “guardian” has the right to revoke my permit to travel, and also my mom has my passport. Please give me your ideas or any facts that might help for a plan to flee out of here.

Legally, i can't do anything since i don't have any broken ribs and I'm not covered in bruises.

I've got nowhere to turn but to you guys, i really need help. .

[Edit] Tl;dr I'm in desperate need for a way to escape the country, my dad revoked my right to travel, and my mom has my passport, what do i need to do in order to make this a reality.